'WE DIDN'T THINK HE WOULD TAKE THE KIDS'

SOME PEOPLE KNEW WHAT WAS COMING

NEW BRAINTREE, MA November 24, 2011 In the horror of the immediate aftermath of a domestic violence homicide everyone asks themselves could something have been done to predict the event.  Generally, people always say they never saw it coming in the days when people stop and take the pulse of a neighborhood or community.  Yet there are always people who are not surprised by the sudden paroxysm of domestic violence and could foresee what was to come.

Reasearch shows that DVH is the product of chronic manipulation and control among initimate partners.  Red flags are the subtle and no-so-subtle signs of abuse that preceed the physical and sexual aggression associated with DVH.  I have interviewed families after the most hideous cases and was not surprised to see that some people knew what was happening before it happened.  In one recent interview the relatives of a man who killed his wife and children admitted they knew the man was planning something but "did not believe he would take the children".  How can those people live with the knowledge that they might have been able to intervene?

It is encumbant upon human beings to reach out and protect those who may be in harms way.  If we see someone standing in front of a runaway car the majority of people would do whatever they could to warn that person.  When someone stumbles and bumps their head we stop what we are doing and lend a hand.  Why does this happen and why are victims often needlessly left in danger?  Abusers are resentful, angry human beings that often have a long history of sadistic cruelty and aggression.  There should be ways to contain their aggressive impulses as we might someone who makes threats against a political figure or celebrity. 

When people admit that they knew "something was going to happen" and did nothing it speaks to an unwillingness to take a moral stand and act.  As people in the helping profession are required to act on suspicion of child or elder abuse so too should all human beings who have direct knowledge about an impending human conflagration and death.  Otherwise, we loose that which makes us unique among animals.