DETACHMENT AND PREDATION

CAN WE RECOGNIZE EMPATHY WHEN WE SEE IT?

New Braintree, MA  March 20, 2012 In a blog published at Thanksgiving I wrote about the sudden explosion of violence that accompanies domestic violence homicide.  Readers expressed some interest in my thoughts on why this occurs.  There are several theories as to what factors trigger the final paroxysm of rage.  First is the growing insecurity and humiliation associated with perceived loss such as when a spouse seeks a divorce.  Many abusers are deeply insecure and while they may appear to be in control they do so without much emotional reserve.  When stress is accelerated by financial decline or legal conflict abusers become marginalized and increasingly fragile.  This pushes them out of the mainstream of their lives and creates huge emotional dissonance.  

When the stress becomes intolerable violence can occur like a depolarizing discharge of the lightning bolt. What follows is a pitiable display of regret and denial of responsibility that is arguably a show of theatrics.  This is called the cycle of abuse.  Most people tolerate stress and this kind of dissonance without becoming violent.  What separates them from those who would kill?  An OP-Ed article in this weeks NY Times described how all people have capacity for primal anger and despicable acts those those I have described.  It was written in response to the Army Sergeant who allegedly left his base in Afganistan and killed 16 civilians while they slept.  Is this an example of a lack of empathy?  People have spoken quite highly of the sergeant - those who knew him personally find the facts in the case incongruent with his personality.  But that is war and unless we have been in war there is nothing against which to compare the impact of its ghastly sights and sounds.


A WAR FROM WITHIN
Some liken living in the home of a domestic abuser to war.  Only secretive and destructive from within.  There is no single factor that identifies the next abuser who may destroy his family like the man in Maine.  However, a pattern of emotional detachment and lack of human empathy are among the two highest risks.  Empathy is not something that can be taught or derived from years of psychotherapy.  You are capable of understanding the feelings of others or you are not.  


In the absence of mental illness, domestic violence results from a powerful need to 'control' intimate partners - often in the absence of true conflict and without empathy at all.  A war from within.

CHANGES COME SLOWLY FOR MAINE

WVOM-FM SHOW HIGHLIGHTS CHANGE IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LAW

New Braintree, MA  February 20, 2012  Officer Mike Sefton was a guest on the radio show of Rick Tyler at WVOM-FM in Bangor, Maine.  WVOM calls itself the Voice of Maine.  Mr. Tyler has taken a keen interest in the domestic violence in Maine ever since the June 13, 2011 murders of Amy Bagley Lake and her two children at the hands of her husband Steven Lake.  Officer Sefton was a guest with co-author Brian Gagan of Scottsdale, AZ and Kelly Gay, Newport, ME.  Ms. Gay is a former friend of Amy Lake and participated in the psychological autopsy conducted by Sefton and Gagan in late 2011. Officer Sefton noted the impressive changes that have started taking place in Maine - including legislation on bail conditions in the past 6 months.  Sefton spoke about the importance of assessment of persons arrested for domestic violence in terms of predicting dangerousness.  "Police do not want another step in the arrest process.  Given the sometimes chaotic circumstances surrounding a DV arrest having the police assess their prisoners for future domestic violence may appear to pose an undue hardship", according to Sefton.  "The assessment process should be short and quick - a couple tools are available including the Dangerousness Assessment and ODARA - a tool used here in Maine."  There are cities and towns in Maine already using the ODARA instrument that was first published in Canada.


The show also featured a spokesperson from a local Woman's Advocacy group and a group of University of Maine athletes who have joined to take a stand against violence towards women.  The show was co-hosted by Federal Marshall Noel Marsh.  The MAAV group from University of Maine Orono stands for Maine Athletes Against Violence.


The show offered listeners from Brunswick to Bangor 2 hours of dialogue about domestic violence and the changes that are taking place in Maine.  In his State-of-the State address Governor Paul LePage renounced DV and openly disclosed his own history of abuse.  Governor LePage called DV a "problem for men".  Later, State Supreme Court Honorable Justice Leigh Saufley spoke about the need for bail to include a careful review of the criminal history prior to allowing men accused of domestic violence free from custody.