The
aggregation of facts – including both internal and external conflict, coupled
with the enduring lack of empathy, denial of responsibility, and failed ability
to compartmentalize anger and resentment imbued the abuser away from the margin into
the nucleus of his own violent conflagration.
The perpetrator was a socially antagonistic man who sought public approval via social
media postings in the last months of his life.
In the days before the homicide he was quick to “unfriend” anyone whose opinion was out of synch with his own
musing. He had begun to slip away and his
girlfriend and family began to see just how chaotic and dangerous he was
becoming.
To her
credit, the victim was fine mother and respected teacher. She loved her children more
than anything. There is consensus that she liked to take care of others –
before herself. But this way of living
made her vulnerable to husband’s control and intimidation raising her self-doubt,
guilt, and confusion as to how to move forward in life.
The
emotional and behavioral schema for the homicide resulted
from the distorted cognitive belief that the laws of society and orders of protection
(PFA) do not apply to the man and an overriding belief that none of this
would have happened “if he could only see his kids.” His lifelong fascination
with guns and access to at least 2 of his 20-plus gun collection granted him the means to act out his violent plan.
He claimed to love his children. No one
knows whether the man truly loved his children or not – but throughout
evolution, over millions of years – a parent lived to safeguard his offspring
from harm and not to destroy them. This innate set of rules assured for the
continuation of the species and protection of the young. As one of my research colleagues expressed
early on, “You do not kill something you love…”
The tragic
folly in the man’s distorted thinking is the magical denial of wrongdoing and
epoch mystification of truth on which
he obsessed. This “truth”, that he had done nothing wrong, suggests
a profound lack fundamental, human conventionality and emotional detachment.
These human elements are central to effective parenting and healthy
living. Regrettably, this lingering truth
is shared by many across the DVH literature. It requires
that society construct a perfunctory “safety net” or statewide DV system to
measure risk and significantly limit the potential for the propagation of
primal rage and entitlement that shunt cognitive reasoning in the minds of
those with a proclivity to commit domestic violence homicide. To say that nothing can be done to stop DVH miscarries
the real truth – that risk and harm reduction may require the containment of high risk abusers as a protection for society.
Our
research has brought us in contact with one man who served 18 years in prison
for the killing of his wife. His candor
proved educational as the parallels with this case are eerily similar. When asked pointedly “what could have stopped
this incident?” He replied that “nothing” could have stopped it but agreed that
if he were in custody the violent cascade of events may have been
derailed.
Finally,
family members who are in the crosshair of these insidious events often see but
lack the knowledge to stop the emotional and behavioral kinetics once they
start. Therefore, a continuum of
interagency cooperation is needed to effectively measure risk and understand
the pre-incident red flags that are common underpinnings of abuse and often
forecast terminal violence. As the
totality of these red flags come into focus it becomes incumbent upon each of
us to take action on behalf of those most at risk – as we are mandated to do in
cases of child and elder abuse.
In respect to victims of domestic violence it is vital that red flags and
risk factors become the first of its kind “road map” to reduce harm to families
who find themselves in the crosshairs and assure that safety plans are not
abandoned, abused, or ignored.
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