Many victims of abuse believe if they could be more "perfect" then they would be free from the wrath of their spouse and yet in most cases a growing pattern of abuse may evolve no matter what happens. Many blame themselves for the random acts of a violent, manipulating spouse. It is often the randomness of the agression that contributes most to childhood fear and aggression (Sefton). Many victims acknowledge a naïve hope that their spouse will ultimately change and become the "loving soul" he claimed to be. This is extremely rare. In most cases of domestic violence the female victim feels trapped. She may have children with limited support. Learned helplessness refers to the insideous resignation and emotional futility felt by the "victim" spouse. She may believe that nothing she does can change her circumstances. She may have no employment, limited access to family or friends, no access to the funds necessary to plan her escape – should this become necessary. In families where domestic violence prevails, children grow up in a setting where physical aggression is condoned as a means of resolving conflict and asserting dominance. In many families where abuse occurs a harsh, overly punitive parent may exhibit a pattern of sadistic abuse early on - often toward children. This striking lack of empathy adds to the risk for serious violence. The notion that violence begets further violence is true and often transcends one generation to the next.
Sefton, M. 2005. The Evil that Kids Do. Philadelphia: Xlibris.
